Clairvoyance

Several people have asked for me to expound upon what this quote means. I hesitate, in one sense, to do this as I think that rarely does a quote mean for readers exactly what it meant for the author. Instead of saying what it means exactly, I will simply describe the moments that led up to its creation.

Over the past few days as I have been reflecting back on and writing on my life, my perceptions of my life, and how it has led me to where I am today, I found myself over and over again having clairvoyant moments. Not in the mystical or psychic sense, but in the sense that in the act of writing a belief or idea down it takes on something like a physical form that can be seen and is more real and accountable to reason than a fleeting thought or idea tied up in the recesses of my mind. Through this different light, I am allowed in a more clear-sighted manner to understand my beliefs often times leading to a refining and redefining of my beliefs. These new beliefs help me to understand how my beliefs were not really fully formed, therefore not somtheing I really believed.

In my beginning - part 3

The first time the belief system and epistemology that I held to and lived by was questioned was in my plant biology class during my sophomore year in college. One might be perplexed as to how a class on plants might call into question my world view. As a matter of fact you may never look at the Quercus albus (white oak) quite the same way after reading this (not really)! Anyways, I digress.

In this class my professor, Dr. Paul Rothrock,--eventually my favorite professor in college--began the semester discussing evolution, the formation of the earth, space, time, etc. He did this in the context of a book entitled Biology through the Eyes of Faith, a book by Richard T. Wright (Not the same as the author of Black Boy) as part of the Christian College Coalition series. He and other students in the class began talking about evolution and an old earth as real possibilities that also made the understanding of plant biology and many other areas of biology more clear. I was astounded. How could this be. I was at a Christian school, wasn't I?. Christians don't hold to these ideas, do they? I was nonplussed. How do I deal with these opposing ideas? I was full of rage. I was confused. I didn't know how to talk because, to be honest, I had no idea what I was talking about in regard to these issues or even where to start. I resolved to read the book.

In my beginning...

I lived until the age of 13 in a suburb outside Chicago and finished my adolescent years at the littoral of urban Illinois, Kankakee. My religious experience during this time was in the context of a Southern Baptist church (very few of my friends were Southern Baptist but rather Catholic). Upon reflecting over these formative years, I have come to realize a variety of things.

I believe I was led or taught--intentionally or unintentionally, I don't know--by the church to believe essentially that Christians don't have questions or doubts or at least not to admit them. I never remember hearing probing questions about scriptures, theology, how these things line up, and how our beleifs measure up to the ideologies by which we actually lived our lives here on Earth. When questions were broached they often were greeted with, "well the obvious answer is ....". It was taboo, not to know or at least come off as knowing the answer, because if the Bible is inerrant, infallible, and the Word of God then how can we have questions.

Of course, as a child, I didn't feel free to inquire further out of fear for how I would be perceived. Instead of these questions being addressed up front and sincerely by those in my church they were presented to me by those outside of the church. What is the irony there? I believe the truths in the scripture stand up to scrutiny. I believe we should not hide from scrutiny. I also believe that we don't need to contrive answers in order to create a facade of absolute certainty in all matters. I believe it is okay to say, "I don't know".

I believe we should read views as understood by others outside our circle of friends or 'believers'. These actions give value to what we believe and hold us accountable to those whom we share time and space with here on Earth. I believe time is not well spent by always reading literature telling us what we already hold to or believe or literature that tells us how others believe from our own perspective. It has its place but not at the level which I grew up seeing people invest.

For a non-threatening example. As a teacher, a time might exist when I am seeking to bring in a guest speaker to my science classroom to discuss the pros and cons of a career in nanotechnology and the details of what that career involves. In seeking out that speaker, I am not going to bring in a jazz musician who read an overview of careers in nanotechnology in Time or Newsweek magazine. I am going to bring in someone who is living, working, and existing in the world of nanotechnology and intimately knows that world. I believe this person has the ability to give a true perspective on what a career in nanotechnology entails. I will concede that this person may or may not have a bias, but that bias is part of the view of a person in that career and is important to know. This experience should not stand alone but should be accompanied with thoughtful reflection and dialogue. Not all of my students will find this career interesting or worth pursuing; however, they are better informed to make their decision and to discuss that decision than if they had been informed by the aforementioned jazz musician. (No intention to denigrate jazz musicians:-O)

In my beginning - part 2

I believe I wasn't intentionly encouraged or pushed to think about some of the questions that I would, in fact, have to address later on in my life, on my own, without guidance. All that I knew or was exposed to was was basically the Bible and Baptist Sunday School Board (BSSB) literature or BSSB-endorsed literature. I may have been better off with just the former. In the absence of exposure to the variety of at least extant mainline protestant ideologies, I feel that early on in my life I was at some level robbed of opportunities for sincere reflection on scripture and the ideas of other sincere hearts seeking after God's truth. Even when thes ideas of others were addressed, it was usually tendentious in nature, without fair representation and often times associated with the risk of hell and damnation if entertained even briefly. I still feel this at some level in many conversations that I have.

In college, I basically reached a point during my Junior year at which I logically snuffed out my belief in God, in much the same way C.S. Lewis does the opposite in Mere Christianity. I won't say that I reached the point of atheism, but I was pretty close. Something kept me in the game, though, and I continued--out of tradition, ritual, or "just-in-case I am wrong, I suppose--to attend churches ranging from Menonite to Nazarene to the Presbyterian Church of America. It wasn't until I met a man who focused on the idea of God's grace that Christianity began to finally make some sense to me. This idea reconciled a lot of disceprancies for me.

This moment of enlightenment helped me to continue on in my faith. I continued on in the Presbyterian Church of America with more sincerity this time although highly skeptical of any person telling me they knew and understood the exact intended doctrine of the Bible. This is what led me to question the truth of God in the first place (the truth is, I believe, I was questioning the conventions of man not God, and I just didn't realize it).

I believe my skepticism was justified because in the church I was attending--even as an individual holding to the teachings of Christ--as someone who accepted the theory of evolution, I was referred to by some as the 'bug man'. In jest, yes, but within that jest is a sense of, "you are off-base, man". Not to mention quiet unspoken or spoken behind the back words that describe me as a case to worry about concerning my beliefs. This is an example of how I have felt over the past 13 years or so. The feeling that people take my ideas lightly as if I have not really thought about them. As if I haven't taken the time to read about it, when the truth is that I have read and studied a lot through many objective, subjective, Christian, and secular lenses more about this issue than anybody I knew of in my church.